Responsibility
The United States: We’re a free country. We the People. Liberty and Justice for all. All that jazz.
True Americans: Yay! Let’s figure out how to do this. Step one—
White Supremacists: Let’s not. Everything is all ours. Nobody who isn’t us can have anything. Also, we hate Black People so much it hurts.
250 years later…
True Americans: The United States is for all of us. Let’s figure out how to do this. Step one—
White Supremacists: You b*tches let a Black man become president. We will end the world.
True Americans: That’s a tad bit extreme, don’t you think?
White Supremacists, crack knuckles: First, we find someone who truly represents us.
White Supremacists-Conservative Christian Branch: We know a guy. If we get him in, he’ll rig the Supreme Court for us.
White Supremacists: You know we like that.
True Americans: Are you talking about Trump? Dude is a racist.
WS: Don’t threaten us with a good time.
True Americans: Eww. Not only is he a racist. He’s a rapist. He’s a criminal. He’s a conman. He bankrupts businesses. He steals from charities. He’s fixated on dictators. He walks into women’s and young girls’ dressing rooms. He brags about grabbing women by the p*ssy. And the accusations are credible; everybody knows he’s involved with some shady Epstein shit.
White Supremacists Conservative Christian Branch: Oohh… He sounds dreamy. God has anointed him to screw over everybody who disagrees with us.
True Americans: Eww.
Trump: Putin and Netanyahu have given me a mandate. As soon as I finish blowing Bubba, I will f*ck over everybody and take everything for myself.
WSCCB: See. God. Do it! Do it! Do it!
True Americans: What the hell is wrong with y’all?
WS: With us??? You people started demanding equal rights for everybody. Now, you have Black People refusing to be slaves again. Gay people spreading love and eating cake…immigrants picking vegetables and building homes…Woman making their own health decisions with their families and doctors, instead of us….Trans people needing to pee… Drag Queens reading books… Boys knowing that tampons are for people who bleed… I mean, seriously, you can wear a maxi pad on your ear, but what kind of world are we living in, if boys know tampons exist? How are we supposed to live like this??? It’s too much! Just you wait until Trump is done blowing Bubba…
10 years later…
Trump and his cronies dismantle the government. Add trillions to the deficit. F*ck up the COVID response. Commit voter fraud. Try to steal an election. Start wars. Abandon US Allies. Suck Putin’s dick. Suck Netanyahu’s dick. Get bitch-slapped by China. F*ck up FEMA. F*ck up Medicare. F*ck up the economy. Murder people. Stop food distribution. Stop children’s cancer research. Kidnap brown people. Incite violence. Use the military on American citizens. Abuse Tariffs. Tank the farming industry (twice). Tank the trucking industry. Trash foreign relations. Tank the job market. Tank the housing market. Cut social safety nets. Take away health care. Transfer wealth from the middle class to him and his buddies. Wreck the East Wing (Tantrum over the Epstein files). Rename monuments, buildings, and water. Hide Black History. Scams his cult (they like it). Sell out the US to hostile foreign interests. Spy on citizens. Dismantles DEIA. Destabilize the dollar. Participate in one genocide (Gaza) and cause another (right here in America). Blame Ukraine for Putin’s invasion. Bomb Iran to impress Israel. Invade a Sovereign Nation and kidnap its leader (to distract from the Jack Smith deposition and the Epstein files). Gave up U.S. status as the Global leader and most powerful Nation on the planet to become a two-bit authoritarian gangster bully. Deregulate harmful business practices. Reallocate Federal Lands to his tech bros. Paid hush money to a hooker (who happens to be classier than his wife), then falsified the records. Threaten free speech. Use the government to go after his political enemies. Rack up 34 felonies. Blackmails Ukraine. Was impeached twice. Was okay with his Vice President getting hung. Implement Project 2025. Move a convicted pedophile to a country club prison. Pardon J6 criminals. Pardon a drug trafficker kingpin…etc…etc…etc… (Really, he’s done so much sh*t nobody can keep up.)
True Americans: Wow! You white supremacists did exactly what you said. Not only has your guy torn apart the Nation and caused irreparable damage around the world, but he f*cks children and had something to do with murdering a baby. And, we still have 5 million files to go. The American dream is dead. Some people have lost everything. Children are suffering. People are dying. The world is burning all because of you.
WS: Hell yes!! We did it! Take that, Black People! We are so proud of ourselves. Yes, we are!
White Supremacists Conservative Christian Branch waves matches: Woohoo! Yes, we burned it down! Now, everyone will worship us…err…God! That’s it. Everyone can worship God—through us— What a great blessing.
True Americans, the rest of the world, every good person throughout history, the dinosaurs, 27 future generations, all of the known universe, 16 undiscovered planets, all the Gods on Mount Olympus, and the Almighty himself collectively side eye that momental stupidity.
The Earth: Annnnnd… this is why I’m dying.
WSCCB looks around. Hides matches behind their back and whispers so the other white supremacists can’t hear: Umm…We just want to make it clear, this has nothing to do with us. We didn’t vote for this. We don’t like him now. All we wanted was for him to get rid of everyone we hate. It wasn’t personal. It’s what God wanted. That’s it. The rest of it was a bonus…I mean…the rest of it was just an oopsie. Don’t mention we were here, okay.
True Americans: Naw, dog. You were here. You own this. This is the world you created. We will rise from the ashes. But you get to stay here and rule over whatever dust is left.